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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I miss.....

I know I almost always keep my blog entries light and with not a lot of thought behind them but today something is bothering me and after reading Kari's blog I decided to go ahead and 'spill the beans'.

As most of you that read my blog know I'm from Canada and came to live in Texas in May 2003. I have not been back since either and today, well actually the last few days but especially today, things are really getting to me.

This morning I got out some old pictures, that are still in a bag because I've not put them into albums yet, after bringing them here with me over 4 years ago and the thing is.....

I miss home. And everything that goes along with that.

I don't have any friends here. I've lived here this long and I still don't have anyone I can go have fun with. That was always really important me. I always had least a couple that I hung around with and of course, since moving here we've lost touch. (Well, one showed her nasty ugly true colors and the other doesn't have a computer anymore...or even a phone)

I miss my mom....a lot. My mom has always been my very best friend and we talked at least once or twice a day. I always lived close to my parents and when my 2 older kids were little, I likely wouldn't have made it without their help. They were always there for me. My mom would come over, even if just for a coffee while she was up town for something and visit with me. Now I only get to see her twice a year and it's so hard. I worry about something happening to them when I'm so far away and can't get to them to help.

I miss my doctor. I know that may sound funny but I had the same doctor for 12 years and the receptionist knew who I was by the sound of my voice and would say 'who is it today?' Not to mention missing the whole healthcare system in Canada where you never have to worry about not having enough money to go see a doctor because you didn't have the money, didn't have insurance. I live in fear that something happens to one of my kids and I have to go to the emergency room. For this being 'the greatest country in the world' as many sure is lacking for healthcare.

I miss the friends I used to have. I miss having my phone ring off the hook with friends calling. I miss my house being grand central station with friends and the friends of my kids coming and going. I miss volunteering at my kids school and being 'known'. I miss feeling useful. I miss going to pick something up from the store, like a jug of milk, and it take me an hour because I keep running in to people I know. I miss going for a drive to the river and just sitting there and watching the water. I miss taking my kids to the beach any time I had an extra hour. I miss the flowers blooming right about now. I miss Swiss Chalet. I miss Canadian chocolate. I miss going to my brothers to watch tv with him. I miss my dad teaching things to my kids that no one else can teach them. I miss my parents getting sick of me and the kids going over EVERY Sunday for dinner. I miss going over there for Sunday dinners. I miss fall colors. I miss Canadian hockey coverage. I miss not having to worry that the person in the car next to you might have a gun. I miss the freedom I used to have to just get in the car and go. I miss chip wagons. I miss poutine. I miss living in a 2 storry home. I miss fall. I miss snow on the ground at Christmas. I miss Canadian Chinese food. I miss Giant Tiger. I miss Tim Hortons. I miss hearing the Canadian National Anthem.

Yeah, there are things I don't miss too but right now..............I miss home.


WilBlg4Yrn said...

As someone who spent 13 miserable months in Texas I can totally understand. It was impossible for me to make friends there for some reason. I missed the midwest, I missed home.
I still miss home. But at least in Kentucky I have been able to make a few friends and the temperatures and land is alot like missouri.


Tracy said...

I think about moving somewhere else all the time, but it would be hard. I like familiar things around me. I don't think I would want to be far from my Mom at this point in time either.

Veronica said...

Bless your heart. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts, and you are in my prayers. (((Hugs)))

Trish said...

Sending you some positive thoughts to get you through this hard time. It's is definitely hard when you don't have family and friends around you to just be there and to hang out with. I grew up with a close knit family and now we are all over the states, it's no fun. I moved away from where my friends are and have yet to make friends here after 4 years. I know what you are going through and I'm so so sorry. Thank goodness for online friends, huh?

Tina said...

I feel the same. exact. way. We moved 1300 miles away from home a year and a half ago. Every day I think how stupid it was to move her; and I would do almost anything to go back home. I am trying really hard, but... it is hard. :( I know how you feel. Hang in there. Try to get out and meet some new people. (I know, I know... easier said than done. And why haven't I done it?) Maybe if you volunteered in your kids' classrooms, you might meet someone. Well hang in there. ;)

JazzRizz said...

You're not alone in missing home Lisa. I've been in Florida for 9 years, and have yet to make friends. Everyone I know lives over 1-1/2 hrs away. I'm the only one at work who drives in from the my direction. Everyone else lives on the other side of the river (St. Johns).

My entire family are still in IL, and I miss them & IL terribly.

Hang in there! Maybe you can plan a trip home sometime soon?

TX CrochetLover said...

Dear Lisa, I am sorry to hear how much you miss home. DH talks about the actual changing of seasons he misses in New York. Being a native Texan, I have no concept of seasons per se! LOL! Hang in there dearest. You can call me anytime you want to chat. Of course, I try not to call you too often, afraid to interrupt your day. Not having but one car is tough. Can you take DH to work some days so you have it available?

Most of my good friends live elsewhere. Here in this neighborhood, I know three people!
I do talk with my kids' friends parents, but we are not social with them. I think it is the times we live in, we are so bombarded with "Noise". Anyhoo, hang in there girl. I'll call you today.

Laura said...

Hey there Lisa,

I feel for you, girlfriend, believe me. I don't know what you're going through first hand, but if I were to move away from my family and friends and all things familiar to me, I would be feeling just the same way, believe me.

This truly is a great country, but I'm sure that Canada is also. Is there any possibility that you could take a long vacation home sometime soon? If at all possible, try to work it out.

Yasmin said...

I had felt that way for seven years and now I'm thankful I've moved to this new lovely place.
A huge hug to you. I know how that feeling nags deeply at you making you feel so down at times. I hope you can spend some time in your home country soon.